The Official Tiny Town Government website is under construction. I swear, I will learn WordPress, and then I’ll come right back and finish this website! Until then, FUCK OFF, STOP LOOKING!
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18 responses to “Home”
PLEASE DON’T COMMENT! I CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO TURN COMMENTING OFF! It’s not fair! Please! These comments don’t count. Ignore them. STOP LOOKING AT MY TINY TOWN’S COMMENTS!!!!!
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I HAVE GOUT AND NOBODY WILL DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT
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Is this where I pay my town taxes? I have been trying everything to pay taxes, including sending squirrels and bats to the county clerk. I would stop trying except for I must fund our local schools.
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Looking, stopping, looking, commenting, stopping, looking…it just goes on and on and on. It’s time to just be bloody practical and find a SOLUTION rather than all this incessant rambling and complaining.
I, a self taught ophthalmologist, will gladly assist in benefiting our irrational and vocal society by making an actual difference. For the meager cost of four pittance* (official town currency) I will remove your cursed eyes to allow you the extraordinary benefit of never having to gaze at out Tiny Town again nor hear the endless moans of your fellow citizens demanding that you cease looking at our Tiny Town.
Methods used are up to my discretion and whatever tools are readily available. The procedure will most likely result in scarring, infection, headaches, and possible liver damage. All complications from said surgery are the responsibility of the patient. I cannot (and surely should not) be held accountable.
*anesthesia extra
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What have you done? You’ve unleashed our Tiny Town onto a horde of unwashed internet masses?!?! I am severely disappointed in you for taking our secret enclave, which was nestled in a valley of nothingness and let other people know it is here! Next we’re going to have people visiting, trying our street vendors. Which just leads to someone wanting to move here and this town is so Tiny that we cannot allow for more people. We’ll be overrun with even tinier chateaus built between the cracks of buildings!
I’m calling a council meeting to have you burned in the town square while strapped to the guillotine!
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We were promised GOATS WITH HATS, but the hats are NOT HILARIOUS and that’s why I am NOT CHARMED. I asked the CONSTABLE PRINCE if anything could be done, and he poured maple syrup in my shoe, even though his job has NOTHING to do with maple syrup or shoes. HE NEVER DOES HIS JOB.
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I very specifically told you to stop asking about my cheese.
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My child is being interrogated by the zealots. I started sending Timmy to the grocer but they’ve been shopping in the neighbor’s larder instead. Maybe if this town was designed better he’d have found it!
(Good job though Timmy, those sow-bellied wet-eared mumblecrusts didn’t need it anyway) -
HAS ANYBODY SEEN TWO SNAKES
• they were just right here
• both answer to Julius or Erbert
• they are venomous but do NOT have hands -
There were a time (or rather, there WAS were a time) in which all truths were known and stored in a coarsely-whittled cylinders known locally as, “true tubes plus”. Together, the tubes could be lained (or rather WERE lained) end to end which by coincidence equaled the length of a Standard Larvae pipe.
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The poor rabble keeps getting into my bins! They think by dressing up as raccoons, being roughly the size of raccoons, and foaming at the mouth like raccoons can fool me, but I know a rouse when I see one!
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What’s with all this perception being thrown about all willy-nilly?
Just don’t, already.
Do not do.
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I moved here specifically to never be perceived by any entity and now everyone is LOOKING, LOOKING ALL THE TIME. Why won’t anyone put a stop to this?
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Raucous flights of wild kestrels continue to defecate on my ornamental lawn statuary. It happens on a nearly daily basis no matter how much I yell at the local children about it. The children seem genuinely unperturbed by my red-faced harangues, and a few have been known to laugh.
Raucously.
Like the kestrels.
Perhaps there is an unseen conspiracy fomenting in our previously tranquil town? A malevolent union betwixt vile bird and callow youth? I cannot be sure and no amount of yelling at the old lady who lives the stairwell has cleared it up.
Yet.
But I will not be dissuaded so easily.
Expect to hear more from me soon.
And don’t even get me started about the wasps!
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EVERYONE here says they make a mean chili, but EVERYONE is LYING. WHY does this town insist on putting coriander and pineapple in EVERY pot of chili.
This is MY home, but they don’t care. They come in to “fix” my chili EVERY night.
I hate it here.
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I lost one of my socks and immediately called the town constable, but he only laughed, which I found very rude and inconsiderate. I beg my fellow townspeople to keep an eye out for my misplaced sock.
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Visitors! Come visit my independent specialty butchers and get a free tour of the slaughter yard.
Residents! Sale now on of Long Pig due to excess stock.
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I DEMAND MORE MUSHROOMS!!
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Nobody will tell me where to find the street apothecary. I’m beginning to suspect this tiny town doesn’t even HAVE one.
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